Shonda Rhimes Is My Spirit Animal
Amidst the shit of a string of crappy days, I briefly stopped and turned. There she was again, cheering me on, willing me forward.
What the hell had happened? I had bottomed out that’s what. It was around my 34th birthday and I was feeling great. Or was I? I mean things were good, well they were ok. But there were constant themes of dissatisfaction in my life that kept coming around: my love life (or lack of), a messy career history that I wasn't enthused or energized by (coming to the blog soon: a life sentence as a multipotentialite) and a whole bunch of other shit that seemed to keep swirling around the internal drain in my psyche. I was exhausted. I was whiney. I mean I whined all the god damn time. This wasn't great, that was ok but I still wanted this...why couldn't I have this? Why couldn't it be this be this way? Or that?
They say real change doesn't happen until someone becomes so utterly sick of their own shit. Well I was there. I was completely and utterly sick of my own shit. Complaining about things I wasn't happy with, wishing things were different and not acting or exercising any sort of power. It was almost as though I was burnt out into non movement. Not exercising choice, making decisions, or half-assing the decisions and never being satisfied with the results (or lack of).
Somewhere along the lines of this state Robin texted me and told me "YOU NEED TO READ/HEAR THIS IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE." It was The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. Now while I am a fan of her tv dramas that more resemble evening soap operas with a dash of legal and medical drama thrown in, but to say I was skeptical as to how this would help me was an understatement. I mean, what the hell could an evening drama television writer have to say to me that would "change my life?"
I had NO idea.
Something happens when you embrace fear, embrace change, take on the unknown and step outside of your comfort zone. For starters, your, or more specifically my, stress levels and panic immediately go through the roof. LIKE SKY ROCKETING OFF THE CHARTS I AM NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS through the roof.
It gets better. And then it gets worse. And then it gets better again.
With every action I take, every choice I make, she'll be there, watching me.
When making decisions big and small, when I can feel myself hesitating as my toe hovers over the decision line I snap back to reality with a cold hard question: What Would Shonda Do? WWSD? That's all there is to it.
When I am having a good day I AM Shonda. I am confident, I am ballsy, I am a #BOSSLADY. When I'm having a crappy day I am still Shonda. I am resilient, I am pushing forward and sometimes I am wallowing on the couch with wine and popcorn.