Life Is Hard, Just Roll With It.
Fact: Many elements of Life are Hard
Baking is hard. I love it. Like really fucking love it. I love the entire process from start to finish. The planning, the tweaking, and improvising, the measurement and science, the execution and the styling and photography. I tried to bake a pie all on my own today. The first time since tackling it at George Brown's Baking Arts Class. I had such high expectations. High hopes and plans to construct this thing of beauty, a mesmerizing symphonic harmony of the senses from texture to taste to the visuals. Of course I'd nail this whole wheat bourbon infused peach pie. And then I'd take some glorious images of it.
Some days it is really fucking hard. Some days are just not conducive to baking. Some days and just not conducive to anything.
This day I was uncoordinated, tired, and a bumbling mess, which culminated in me smacking my head on the corner of the cupboard door and collapsing into a heap, convinced I was bleeding. (I was not). My brain was scattered into a million pieces and every noise drove me to the point of insanity. I felt restless, sped up and the thoughts were swirling around and around. I tried meditation. Nope. I tried yoga. Still nope. Yet I pressed on to baking, experimenting and photographing.
Peaches are a pain in the ass to work with. Pie dough is finicky. My brain was scattered and messy. In a nutshell, it was a struggle. It was not an enjoyable experience. I was merely pushing through the steps and not at all enjoying the process. The entire experience was tarnished by this anxiety and worry and stress I had brought upon myself related to trying to synthesize all that I had been learning, all the ideas I had and new found goals, interests, and desires to develop some sort of career as a food blogger/writer/recipe developer/cafe owner/culinary queen of the world. (Don't ever accuse me of being unambitious)
Take a scroll through some of the images that resulted from this epic meltdown. The moral of the story? Push through it, because it usually works out in the end.
Don't lose sight of the process
What I lost here was the point is the process. Not the product. I find I have to continue to override my super driven success oriented, novelty seeking brain. Why is it so hard for me to remain in the present moment and enjoy things as they unfold? I constantly spin my wheels pushing forward, trying to come up with ways to "nail it" and take something that is pleasurable into a career trajectory/path to world domination, and that in itself can be quickly overwhelming.
Baking is just baking. It shouldn’t be so stressful. Well, it should, but only in a science is magic and baking is artistry and when those two combine it can be hard to determine the outcome. And that is why it's enjoyable. It is motivating, it is mentally engaging and something I am enjoying diving headfirst into. Maybe it will stay a hobby. Maybe one day I will run away and take on a position as an apprentice for a world-class pasty chef in France. Maybe I will try to teach my students at The Harvest Spoon what I am learning. Maybe I will abandon it completely and begin to follow an undiscovered passion for something else. Not sure. Until then, roll with it.
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